We train people how to treat us, so train them well.

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Every interaction you have with another person is a training session.

You’re literally training them how to treat you.

When a friend interrupts you and you stop talking, you're training them that it's okay to interrupt you.

When a colleague asks for your time at the last minute, and you say yes, you're training them that your schedule is less important than theirs.

When a random stranger sends you a DM asking to pick your brain and you say 'OK,' you're training them that your time isn’t valuable.

I learned this the hard way. Especially the last one.

For years, I said yes to way too many things. Brain picks. Meetings. Podcast requests. If you asked people to describe me, they might use words like “helpful” and “agreeable.”

But, personally, I was miserable.

Then, one day, my wife, Jennifer, said something that stung me. She said that I was training people to treat me this way. They weren't actually being demanding; they were simply treating me the way I had asked to be treated.

So, I started untraining them.

I put up an auto-responder on social media. I ignored random requests from strangers for my time. I declined 99% of podcast invites and speaking opportunities.

Like with any change, I got some pushback. A few people got upset. But over time? Everyone adjusted to my new normal.

And they didn't respect me less for it. They respected me more. It became part of my mantra about work and life. So when I said, ‘No,’ they wrote back saying things like, “I figured. I know you protect your family time ruthlessly.”

Boundaries aren't selfish. They are an incredibly important part of intentional living. They're literally a manual that you give others on how to best interact with you.

Write the manual that best serves your life.

And if you constantly feel like your boundaries are being disrespected, ask yourself:

"How am I training people to treat me?"

Then start untraining them.

It's never too late to update your manual. You can start writing a new one today simply by saying "no," "I need more notice," or "I'm not available."

People are better students than you might think. They’ll learn your new rules surprisingly quickly.

The ones who refuse or get upset? They’re likely not worth spending time on anyway.

How you train people is how they’ll treat you.

So, train them wisely.

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