I love this take. I think it also extends to our personality in a way. mixing introvert and extrovert traits is often overly simplified as “ambivert”, but one can also be extrovert one day and completely silent the day after.
Big yes to the the power of This AND This. I'm learning that perhaps the whole experience of being a human be-ing, is this -- that life is happening, is created, is unfolding in the tension of contradictions. It's taken me a while to accept that I am both, sensitive yet with a strong drive/hustle. I can be a social butterfly and I need time to recharge. I know joy can sit alongside grief. I love your perspective on noticing our beliefs around binary thinking that might keep us stuck/ safe in a box. 🌟🌿
Personally, I reserve the right to be critical of both sides, of most any topic - and praising of both sides, of most any topic.
The whole world has become an "us versus them" dynamic that pushes me away from either side. Not to be noncommittal, but to acknowledge and demonstrate to any opposing parties that they both have something to offer each other, unless they independently choose not to - and that's on them and no one else - whatever the topic or playing field, we all have something to offer each other, ESPECIALLY those we disagree with the most - IF we're willing to break the cycle and be the first to the middle, with an offering for them, at the precise moment when when we're completely justified in not doing so....
Totally resonates with me. I feel frustrated that we live in a society that puts people into boxes with labels to sort and filter off people without even talking with the person to discover what they are capable of, most tellingly in the job seeking employment market. We are all complex adaptive systems and we operate by setting rules that goes against our complex adaptive systems operating mode. Stop when you notice you are labelling and putting yourself and others into a box, and ask yourself "Are you bias?" Then choose what you want to do with that.
The magic of "yes, and"! In such a polarized world, it's a relief to hear you speak this type of truth, Justin. I am reminded of the line "I contain multitudes" from Walt Whitman's poem "Song of Myself". We are walking contradictions as humans, and that's perfectly normal!
Great article Justin. You certainly ask the right question, "How can I build a life I love, supported by work I enjoy?" It's always tough to balance, but if you can find the answer to this question, you will lead a much happier life.
Labels, tribes, boxes, black and white definitions, more labels, niching, and the pièces de résistance: refusing to agree to disagree or have civil discourse. Today it just seems if you're not all in you're all out.
Now, what I've learned is that binary thinking is ultimately a way of the mind to not face fear. It wants control. It doesn't like ambiguity. Often, if it is overwhelmed, it craves certainty. So it's kind of a fake sense of control for reducing complexity into good or bad, right or wrong. So fear hates ambiguity. But what if we could go a little bit deeper into the direction of wonder and being okay with ambiguity?
This is so true. I pride myself on being moderate and being open to both sides but if you’ve ever gone more than 3 comments deep in an article or post, it devolves into insults quickly and there appears to be no room for seeing both sides.
Well said, Justin! And perfectly timed. My wife and I were chatting about a situation the other night -- which to her seemed very binary in nature -- and I asked, "Can't both things be true?" It gave her a bit of pause, but to her credit, she then responded, "I suppose it can." (Now, I'd be remiss to not note that she also said something along the lines of "in this specific situation", but I let it slide. Progress was made.)
I think as well to surrender to the fact that friction is always going to be good. If you're ALL in on the career..... the personal side suffers.... and vice versa. But if you feel friction, pushback... it ideally should move you literally, figuratively to make a behavior change. T
his notion of TOTAL zen and "I've FOUND the balance" is something that alludes me constantly. I used to get mad at myself but now that I've realized that the friction on both sides actually is what keeps me in as best a place as I can it doesn't feel so stressful.
And from another example is we have a storytelling AI platform... I am a marketer.. NOT a developer... but the product side is giving me pushback and I push them to do things.. we're "at odds" but actually that is what we need to create the best experience ,product, etc...
Love this thought, Patrice. The thing is (as I wrote) people love to create boxes that are binary and try to stuff people in them, because it's easier for our brains to process. Nuance is a lost art!
I love this take. I think it also extends to our personality in a way. mixing introvert and extrovert traits is often overly simplified as “ambivert”, but one can also be extrovert one day and completely silent the day after.
Oh, for sure. I have that based on energy and environment.
Big yes to the the power of This AND This. I'm learning that perhaps the whole experience of being a human be-ing, is this -- that life is happening, is created, is unfolding in the tension of contradictions. It's taken me a while to accept that I am both, sensitive yet with a strong drive/hustle. I can be a social butterfly and I need time to recharge. I know joy can sit alongside grief. I love your perspective on noticing our beliefs around binary thinking that might keep us stuck/ safe in a box. 🌟🌿
Love this, Avril. Makes me think I've struck the right chord here. Thanks for such a great comment.
Great post!
Reminds me of the Japanese concept Ikigai... find your life's purpose in the overlap of:
- what you love
- what you're good at
- what the world needs
- what you can be paid for
I needed to read this, you have no idea! As I was reflecting upon quite a few things, reading this made it all click. Thanks
Personally, I reserve the right to be critical of both sides, of most any topic - and praising of both sides, of most any topic.
The whole world has become an "us versus them" dynamic that pushes me away from either side. Not to be noncommittal, but to acknowledge and demonstrate to any opposing parties that they both have something to offer each other, unless they independently choose not to - and that's on them and no one else - whatever the topic or playing field, we all have something to offer each other, ESPECIALLY those we disagree with the most - IF we're willing to break the cycle and be the first to the middle, with an offering for them, at the precise moment when when we're completely justified in not doing so....
Bingo. I wrote this after watching people argue, in a binary fashion, about something that clearly had a lot of nuance and middle ground.
This one drills down to the deeper roots of it all - thanks for writing....
Totally resonates with me. I feel frustrated that we live in a society that puts people into boxes with labels to sort and filter off people without even talking with the person to discover what they are capable of, most tellingly in the job seeking employment market. We are all complex adaptive systems and we operate by setting rules that goes against our complex adaptive systems operating mode. Stop when you notice you are labelling and putting yourself and others into a box, and ask yourself "Are you bias?" Then choose what you want to do with that.
The magic of "yes, and"! In such a polarized world, it's a relief to hear you speak this type of truth, Justin. I am reminded of the line "I contain multitudes" from Walt Whitman's poem "Song of Myself". We are walking contradictions as humans, and that's perfectly normal!
No matter the domain of life, nuance, current conditions and future plans all matter.
Hustle and grind for example: Taboo and plain wrong for large chunks of Substack.
In my case, more hustle and grind gave back my life.
In the future, I am sure that will change.
Excellent post.
I look forward to reading more.
Great article Justin. You certainly ask the right question, "How can I build a life I love, supported by work I enjoy?" It's always tough to balance, but if you can find the answer to this question, you will lead a much happier life.
Labels, tribes, boxes, black and white definitions, more labels, niching, and the pièces de résistance: refusing to agree to disagree or have civil discourse. Today it just seems if you're not all in you're all out.
Now, what I've learned is that binary thinking is ultimately a way of the mind to not face fear. It wants control. It doesn't like ambiguity. Often, if it is overwhelmed, it craves certainty. So it's kind of a fake sense of control for reducing complexity into good or bad, right or wrong. So fear hates ambiguity. But what if we could go a little bit deeper into the direction of wonder and being okay with ambiguity?
This is so true. I pride myself on being moderate and being open to both sides but if you’ve ever gone more than 3 comments deep in an article or post, it devolves into insults quickly and there appears to be no room for seeing both sides.
Yep. Groupthink is a bad thing...
Yes love this! I think all or nothing thinking can cause undo stress.
For sure, Rose.
Great stuff this morning.
I would recommend 7 Habits training to anyone looking to implement this way of thinking with their team. Have been revisiting this a lot lately.
Awesome, thanks for the recommendation, David!
Well said, Justin! And perfectly timed. My wife and I were chatting about a situation the other night -- which to her seemed very binary in nature -- and I asked, "Can't both things be true?" It gave her a bit of pause, but to her credit, she then responded, "I suppose it can." (Now, I'd be remiss to not note that she also said something along the lines of "in this specific situation", but I let it slide. Progress was made.)
Haha, so glad to hear it, Justin.
I think as well to surrender to the fact that friction is always going to be good. If you're ALL in on the career..... the personal side suffers.... and vice versa. But if you feel friction, pushback... it ideally should move you literally, figuratively to make a behavior change. T
his notion of TOTAL zen and "I've FOUND the balance" is something that alludes me constantly. I used to get mad at myself but now that I've realized that the friction on both sides actually is what keeps me in as best a place as I can it doesn't feel so stressful.
And from another example is we have a storytelling AI platform... I am a marketer.. NOT a developer... but the product side is giving me pushback and I push them to do things.. we're "at odds" but actually that is what we need to create the best experience ,product, etc...
Love this thought, Patrice. The thing is (as I wrote) people love to create boxes that are binary and try to stuff people in them, because it's easier for our brains to process. Nuance is a lost art!