You have nothing to prove.
Welcome to issue #030 of Unsubscribe. Each week, I send two essays that help you step off the default path to build a life you love, supported by work you enjoy. If you need support on your entrepreneurial journey, join our network of over 900 entrepreneurs. You’ll instantly join our group chat, weekly live Q&As, monthly workshops, and private in-person events.
Most of us spend a big chunk of our lives trying to prove our own worth.
We collect achievements, say yes to a bunch of projects we don't care about, and look for status and validation everywhere we can get it. When we're done, we post our success all over the internet, crossing our fingers that we get recognition from a bunch of strangers.
But one day (if you're lucky) you'll realize that none of it matters.
I started to hone in on this realization back in 2024 at a creator conference I was speaking at in my hometown of Cleveland, Ohio.
The attendees were excited that I was there and wanted to meet me, take some photos, and ask for advice about their businesses. It should have been a great feeling. Validation that I was incredibly worthwhile, important, and valuable.
And while I enjoyed meeting everyone and found the conversations lovely and interesting, at the end of the day, I felt an uneasy emptiness.
Later that night, when I was back at my parents' house, I sat down alone and tried to figure out why I was feeling the way I was.
Questions started rattling around in my head like, "Who am I trying to impress? And why does it matter?"
If I'm being honest, I think the real answer is that I was still trying to impress people from my past. People who made growing up miserable. The kids who were unkind to me every day in middle school. People who weren't even in my life anymore.
What an odd realization.
And if I was still performing for these ghosts from middle school, who else was I unconsciously trying to impress? That boss who said I'd never amount to anything? The girlfriend who broke up with me when I was in debt in my twenties?
The whole thing suddenly seemed absurd. As a (then) 43-year-old, I didn't need to prove anything to anyone. Not even to my family and friends. And certainly not to strangers who haven’t been in my life for decades. The only real measure of my worth is how I feel about myself.
Have you ever struggled with this?
If so, imagine you’ve been playing a game for years. You’re stacking up points and excited about proving that you’re the best in the game. The one to beat. That everyone who made your life difficult would be shocked to see you "winning."
Then, one day, all of a sudden, you looked around and discovered there was no scoreboard. Nobody was ever keeping track, and the points never mattered.
How would you change your behavior?
I imagine you’d stop playing that game against everyone else and start looking at what actually makes you happy (instead of what impresses other people). Of course, this doesn't mean ignoring all feedback or becoming indifferent to your impact on others. It means choosing whose opinions genuinely matter for good reasons.
Maybe you'd start working only on stuff that genuinely excites you, speak a bit more openly and honestly, and say no more often without feeling the need to explain yourself to every person who asks.
Hell, maybe you’d live a different life or work a different career entirely.
The freedom to make those decisions comes when you decide to stop auditioning for the approval of random strangers and start fixating on your own.
Your time is very limited here. You can spend it trying to convince other people of your value, or you can simply live by your own standards and feel good about the value you produce, while staying open to meaningful feedback that helps you grow. I’d recommend the latter.
Confident people aren't totally dependent on someone else's validation. Of course, they appreciate recognition, but they don't let the absence of external recognition destroy them.
They follow their curiosity and do good work because doing good work is who they are. Not because it impresses others.
So, next time you feel that urge to prove yourself, make sure you ask, "Who, exactly, am I trying to impress?"
When you start looking around for that scoreboard, you’ll be surprised when you realize it only exists in your mind.
What’s your take on today’s topic? Do you agree, disagree, or is there something I missed?
If you enjoyed this read, the best compliment I could receive would be if you shared it.
Join our private network of 900+ entrepreneurs who have access to the following upcoming events and previous workshops from 6 and 7-figure entrepreneurs, CEOs, multiple New York Times Bestselling Authors, creators, makers, and more. You’ll also gain access to live weekly Q&As and invitations to members-only networking events worldwide.
As a British 🇬🇧 Psychiatrist, I see people chasing likes and validation more and more. It’s a never ending cycle of self- abandonment and people pleasing. I’d suggest chasing the approval of your future self instead.
The scoreboard isn’t real. Once you realize that, the game changes.