I feel this. My default state is to feel restless/guilty unless I'm doing something productive. It mostly serves me well, but I'm learning to relax when I need to or just want to.
Yeah, I’m finally learning this, too. I hate that when there’s an open block of time, my first reaction is “what do I work on?” but I’ll admit it’s served me well.
I am getting better but I often feel I need to do something if not work-related, then around the house, for example. So though there are days when I can just rest, read, take a walk, do nothing, I find myself organizing things at home. Or running “important errands” This way, “a walk” could be deserved at the end of the day. I know this comes from decades ago, from watching my grandparents and then parents always busy themselves with some work.
I feel ok doing nothing productive only if I have no witnesses. Like this week, my 3 sons have gone back to school and my husband is away and I feel no guilt being “lazy.” But maybe it’s not do much that I have no witnesses but rather I have no one else around me “using all their time well” so I don’t feel like I need to keep up.
Choosing not to do something is doing something. We are recharging, resting, contemplating, connecting, and more.
I believed that we would get plenty of sleep only after we die, but what if abstaining from sleep and rest actually brings us closer to our deathbed?
I listened to an engaging interview with neuroscientist Matt Walker, who discussed the health benefits and importance of sleep.
Now, I am gradually learning to schedule daily naps. It is challenging because I was conditioned to think naps are for the lazy and retired and that we need to push through the day.
However, I have noticed that on days I nap, I feel more energetic, my mind works more sharply, and many problems seem to find solutions during my naps.
Maybe there is something about sleep that we have yet to learn.🙂
I got the same challenge this month. It's the first month after I quit my job and with full-time focus on my business, but now it pulls me toward just finding myself, being me and understanding my worth and value without being productive.
I used to think the same: I'm only worthy and use my time meaningful when I'm productive.
But now I realize I need the time to rest, sort out my life and my connection to my inner potential first, and that takes a lot of rest and think time. Which doesn't feel productive.
Thank you for sharing this, as I'm now feeling less alone in this challenge
Congratulations! Unlearning is often tougher than learning, and you are unlearning important lessons.
At 76, I have had a few more decades to learn. I have learned that some of my most creative, insightful, and valuable thinking happens when I am not trying to think, when I am out in nature, or taking a shower, or just sitting in an easy chair daydreaming. I have learned that it is energy, not time, that leads to my greatest productivity. I now try to assess the type(s) of energy (mental, physical, emotional, and/or spiritual) a task will take and schedule it for when the needed energy is at its peak for me. This has also taught me there are days when my energy and productivity are best served by a 21-minute nap.
My brain is still wired to productive = good, unproductive = bad. But, I'm getting better at dealing with this. Allowing myself to go for a walk, read a book, etc. And to give my self permission to have downtime.
And the irony is, I often find that my best thinking and ideas (allowing me to become more productive and creative) actually happy during these activities.
Love your story of being out hiking and exploring. I've noticed that I only ever feel both good-tired and recharged after being outside or working with plants. I've come to believe that so much of what ails us is a loss of seasonal rhythms & a deep disconnection from nature. I hope you get more moments with the trees.
This is classic Beta state that we discussed on email. Your mind has come to crave it, because you trained your mind to do it. And since you have done this for a really long period of time, it's not that easy to unlearn it. However, like you have already told, spending time doing activities with your partner who is more grounded and content, would ease you into it. You are doing good Justin. Love your journey towards self exploration.
Try to think of the day being wasted if you fail to get at least one hour of “autotelic” time where you are doing something just for the sake of it. That’s my new favorite word. Don’t beat yourself up; it’s the drive that makes you so productive. Try painting or sketching or doing a jigsaw puzzle. You’ll never feel so alive. It’s the number of moments that you’ll remember when you’re 80 looking back! 💌
Great read! I've always struggled with this as well and I look around at friends/family I know how are the 'content' type and I simply can't wrap my head around that feeling. But I'm working on it as well. I'm grateful all the same, but content has never been in my vocabulary about myself.
I really love this, Justin and the timing is funny as two days ago I read a comment from Storyteller Matthew Dicks which was talking about noticing and asked: "What's something in my life that doesn't quite make sense yet?" and it went on to explain the question leads to curiosity which can lead to the best stories.
It's been occupying my head for the last 48 hours and I can't really find an answer...but the one thing I have kept coming back to is my inability to relax until I've cleared a to-do list. I get properly anxious about it.
And then your post landed and that, together with Matthew's question has really started to clear the fog. It's become especially strong since starting this writing side-project - if I don't sit down and write each week I properly beat myself up about it (and funnily enough, I missed a couple of weeks over Christmas because I was ill, too).
So, thank you for this - I'm beginning to see how I have similar traits (without the success to back it up 🤦🏻♂️) and something I need to stop.
I’ve been reading your stuff for a long time, & this is by far my favorite. ❤️
Thanks, Jill!
I feel this. My default state is to feel restless/guilty unless I'm doing something productive. It mostly serves me well, but I'm learning to relax when I need to or just want to.
Yeah, I’m finally learning this, too. I hate that when there’s an open block of time, my first reaction is “what do I work on?” but I’ll admit it’s served me well.
I'm also learning to be okay with not being useful or just existing.
It's VERY HARD for me.
Interesting thing i've noticed though is that my relationship with some people had to change to accommodate this phase of my life.
I have become "the difficult one" to some and simply learnt that some relationships no longer serve me.
I am getting better but I often feel I need to do something if not work-related, then around the house, for example. So though there are days when I can just rest, read, take a walk, do nothing, I find myself organizing things at home. Or running “important errands” This way, “a walk” could be deserved at the end of the day. I know this comes from decades ago, from watching my grandparents and then parents always busy themselves with some work.
I feel ok doing nothing productive only if I have no witnesses. Like this week, my 3 sons have gone back to school and my husband is away and I feel no guilt being “lazy.” But maybe it’s not do much that I have no witnesses but rather I have no one else around me “using all their time well” so I don’t feel like I need to keep up.
Perhaps we need to reframe 'lazy' as restoration?
Choosing not to do something is doing something. We are recharging, resting, contemplating, connecting, and more.
I believed that we would get plenty of sleep only after we die, but what if abstaining from sleep and rest actually brings us closer to our deathbed?
I listened to an engaging interview with neuroscientist Matt Walker, who discussed the health benefits and importance of sleep.
Now, I am gradually learning to schedule daily naps. It is challenging because I was conditioned to think naps are for the lazy and retired and that we need to push through the day.
However, I have noticed that on days I nap, I feel more energetic, my mind works more sharply, and many problems seem to find solutions during my naps.
Maybe there is something about sleep that we have yet to learn.🙂
Amen to that!
I got the same challenge this month. It's the first month after I quit my job and with full-time focus on my business, but now it pulls me toward just finding myself, being me and understanding my worth and value without being productive.
I used to think the same: I'm only worthy and use my time meaningful when I'm productive.
But now I realize I need the time to rest, sort out my life and my connection to my inner potential first, and that takes a lot of rest and think time. Which doesn't feel productive.
Thank you for sharing this, as I'm now feeling less alone in this challenge
Justin,
Congratulations! Unlearning is often tougher than learning, and you are unlearning important lessons.
At 76, I have had a few more decades to learn. I have learned that some of my most creative, insightful, and valuable thinking happens when I am not trying to think, when I am out in nature, or taking a shower, or just sitting in an easy chair daydreaming. I have learned that it is energy, not time, that leads to my greatest productivity. I now try to assess the type(s) of energy (mental, physical, emotional, and/or spiritual) a task will take and schedule it for when the needed energy is at its peak for me. This has also taught me there are days when my energy and productivity are best served by a 21-minute nap.
Keep unlearning and learning!
Brian
My brain is still wired to productive = good, unproductive = bad. But, I'm getting better at dealing with this. Allowing myself to go for a walk, read a book, etc. And to give my self permission to have downtime.
Also, i love a day time nap 😴 😊
And the irony is, I often find that my best thinking and ideas (allowing me to become more productive and creative) actually happy during these activities.
Love your story of being out hiking and exploring. I've noticed that I only ever feel both good-tired and recharged after being outside or working with plants. I've come to believe that so much of what ails us is a loss of seasonal rhythms & a deep disconnection from nature. I hope you get more moments with the trees.
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof
This is classic Beta state that we discussed on email. Your mind has come to crave it, because you trained your mind to do it. And since you have done this for a really long period of time, it's not that easy to unlearn it. However, like you have already told, spending time doing activities with your partner who is more grounded and content, would ease you into it. You are doing good Justin. Love your journey towards self exploration.
We confuse being productive with being safe. As you said, when you tie your worth to output, resting feels like a threat, not a break.
Try to think of the day being wasted if you fail to get at least one hour of “autotelic” time where you are doing something just for the sake of it. That’s my new favorite word. Don’t beat yourself up; it’s the drive that makes you so productive. Try painting or sketching or doing a jigsaw puzzle. You’ll never feel so alive. It’s the number of moments that you’ll remember when you’re 80 looking back! 💌
Great read! I've always struggled with this as well and I look around at friends/family I know how are the 'content' type and I simply can't wrap my head around that feeling. But I'm working on it as well. I'm grateful all the same, but content has never been in my vocabulary about myself.
I really love this, Justin and the timing is funny as two days ago I read a comment from Storyteller Matthew Dicks which was talking about noticing and asked: "What's something in my life that doesn't quite make sense yet?" and it went on to explain the question leads to curiosity which can lead to the best stories.
It's been occupying my head for the last 48 hours and I can't really find an answer...but the one thing I have kept coming back to is my inability to relax until I've cleared a to-do list. I get properly anxious about it.
And then your post landed and that, together with Matthew's question has really started to clear the fog. It's become especially strong since starting this writing side-project - if I don't sit down and write each week I properly beat myself up about it (and funnily enough, I missed a couple of weeks over Christmas because I was ill, too).
So, thank you for this - I'm beginning to see how I have similar traits (without the success to back it up 🤦🏻♂️) and something I need to stop.