How to ruin your life.
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A lot of people spend their days scrolling through other people's lives.
The entrepreneur they admire who sold their company at 32. That beautiful, spontaneous couple backpacking through Southeast Asia. Your old high school classmate with the perfect brownstone in the coolest neighborhood.
And with each little flick of your thumb, you feel it. That unhappiness with your own life.
You know your job pays well, but someone else's looks so much more exciting! You're in love with your partner, but you just saw the most romantic Instagram. Your life isn't like that. Why not? Your apartment is really nice, but their Brooklyn brownstone is to die for. Why don't you have that?
Constant comparison is poisonous. I know it. I'm writing this because I'm guilty of it.
If you spend your time wanting someone else's life, you start neglecting the only one you actually have. The one that someone, somewhere, is wishing they had.
I talk to people with genuinely good lives, convinced they're failing because they don't match some "perfect life" built through Instagram highlights and LinkedIn updates.
The VP who can't enjoy their success because their college roommate is a CEO. The parent who feels inadequate because another parent seems to have it all together. The freelancer who was happy until they saw someone’s monthly revenue screenshot on X.
That life you're dying to live comes with problems you can't see. Every life does.
The entrepreneur who sold their company at 32 is dealing with depression from losing their purpose. That traveling couple is running from terrible family dynamics back home. That perfect house is hiding a failing marriage.
You don't want their life. You want your interpretation of their life.
And while you're busy fantasizing about trading places, you're running the risk of letting your good life deteriorate from neglect.
Your relationships need attention. Your career needs focus. Your health needs consistency and commitment. If you’re busy spending your energy wanting a different life, you stop investing in your actual life.
The irony is that the best way to get the life you want is to fully commit to the life you already have. To water the grass you're standing on instead of staring at your friend's lawn.
When you stop wanting to be somewhere else, someone else, something else, you’ll finally see what's actually in front of you. The opportunities you've been ignoring. The relationships you've been taking for granted. The progress you've been making.
Want to ruin a good life? Keep wishing it were different.
Want to build a great life? Start with the one you've got.
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What’s your take on today’s topic? Do you agree, disagree, or is there something I missed?
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Great text, Justin. This reminds me of a passage from the sacred Indian text, the Bhagavad Gita. It is said that if you take a warrior from a battlefield and place him in a peaceful forest, he will soon start making weapons from the sticks and stones he finds.
Back in 2003 I completed one of the toughest Chinese medicine courses in Europe—5,000 hours over five years, full-time—almost like the Foreign Legion or the Navy SEALs for therapists. There I saw a considerable number of people enter the therapy world seeking a more balanced life and a way out of the busyness of life.
Later, I became a teacher there and saw that it was not uncommon for those in the process of becoming therapists to bring the same patterns into the field: stress, overwork, burnout, and even madness.
That’s why you can literally move to the other side of the world and still feel that the financial, relationship, or health issues you’re running from are chasing you.
Well said and so very true. I have myself on a self imposed "social media behavior plan" to decrease my time online since January. I am failing a bit but just brought on 2 team members to help with social. I love creating content but I don't need to be online as much as I am. Offline is where the magic is- thanks for the reminder!