On escaping into memory when the present feels heavy, jumping to fantasy when that doesn't work, and what it actually costs you when you're not fully here.
Anxiety is living in the future and depression is living in the past. I tend to live in the future a bit too much. My escape is simply going to sleep, but what happens is if I don't address my worries from the day, I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. It's hard and happens too often. Hard to fix.
Hey Justin, it's been some time since the last Office Hours :)
This part was my favourite:
"... And when I was done, I felt different. Not because I’d fixed anything or solved my time-traveling problem. But because, for half an hour, I was actually here in the moment. Working to make the present better instead of wishing it were different."
I've not been active on SS this year and have paused my own newsletter, but wanted to leave a comment as I too do something similar...
I honestly don't ever escape in the past, as all I remember is a younger, dumber, less attractive and very broke version of myself. 😂 Do I wish I had certain qualities and was able to do the fun things I do now 10 yrs ago? Sure, but then I remember everyone else feels the same too, so no FOMO there thankfully.
But the future planning thing, I feel that.
I've actually already planned my trips ✈️ (some fixed, many potential) until Sep '26 (!) and I have a gnawing feel this is not just because I'm very organised and love travelling, but that it's a form of escapism from the "not-really-where-I-wanna-be" of the present moment.
Some magical moment not different to yours, where I'm making the money I want and the hard work required to achieve it isn't so hard anymore...
And where I also have extra time to work on side projects #2, 3, 4,...
And the days are sunny (the first chill of winter has reached London this week 🥶), people are out again, and I can join them every other day (while still doing a job, main project, and side projects #2, 3, 4,...)
So yes, I definitely have to work on making the present better instead of wishing it were different.
After all, the sun doesn't shine just because I want it to. 🌞
I feel that, Prince. Thanks for sharing. I guess I only travel backward because there was less responsibility, a more functioning physical body, and less anxiety!
Today's email reminded me to start planning meaningful trips with my family for next year. Even it's the murder mystery (such a great idea!) or that beer festival, I don't want to just dredge through life either. I'm protecting my time like crazy over here and saying "no" to anything that doesn't actually make me happy. Work. Speaking gigs. "Potential opportunities". I realize I'm happiest home, with my family and dogs, working in my pilates stretchy outfits, listening to the rain fall. Being present, as you reminded us.
Nice insights, time flies, and it is very difficult to control your mind to enjoy the present, the more you run, the faster time flies. Since I slowed down I have a much better life and improved my focus on the present.
Thanks for sharing this. I relate and do the same. The word I use for my feeling of the trigger is overwhelm. I feel overwhelmed when I have too many possibilities (present feeling heavy) and so I look to release it. Jumping to fantasy is like trying to predict the BEST thing to give time to. It's mostly a waste of time as the best thing is to do something (like your dinner or trip). I'm just repeating what you said it seems, I just relate so closely.
It's a tough place to be and it happens all the time. What's helped me is to write down, hour by hour what I plan to do today, which helps with immediate desire to escape and means I actually do give creative things the time they need. Also, 10 minute meditations. I don't yet have a daily practice yet but every time I do do it, I ask myself why I don't do it more as it's so grunding to the present.
You're welcome, and thanks for reading. I often use my calendar to plan my entire day, moment by moment. Sometimes, I find it defeats the purpose. It doesn't let spontaneity creep in, which is how life is meant to be lived!
Yes, I agree it's not always the solution to spontaneity in every colour of spontaneity. My experience is that when I give myself a 3 hour block for writing, I can be more free and spontaneous within that time than if I just told myself that I would write that day. Have you heard of or read the book 'Free Play', by Stephen Nachmanovitch? It's an amazing one for allowing yourself to 'play', to be in the moment, to mess up, to find out new ways of doing things, like kids do. It's helped me a lot to just enter into a moment and be (even if I've planned it, haha)
Justin, I have no escape. Maybe reading before the Stan challenge. Now it’s social media guides. Addiction is real. 😅 I wish I could make sense of the world better. I am in awe how they could read my mind with 100% accuracy?
I don’t call it escape I call it dissatisfaction with how our world deteriorated. I worry about the generation where young people can’t find true love or a work place so sick with ambiguity. Or public services with little care and trust.
Justin, we live in a world where kindness and good values is valued. Somehow life feels simpler.
Many young people struggled with mental health because communication isn’t clear. And empathy wasn’t given. They are relying on signs, signals and frequencies.
“Whatever floats your boat” is the new catchphrase. Kaylie shared this with me and I was alarmed. Kayden had to tell me:”Mummy, take care of yourself first.”
Our natural tendency is to escape whenever brain is anxious or depressed. In our ancient shastras(text) like the Katha Upanishad...it says our senses are wired outward and our life is like a chariot...the mind is the reins...hold them and you go where you want to....drop them and the horses(heart) bolt. It also frames each moment as a choice between sreyas (the genuinely good) and preyas (the merely pleasant). When the present is heavy, preyas often looks like nostalgic scrolling or a fantasy future.
In Gita it is written that you can use two ways to really enjoy the present....first is "abhyasa" (keep returning attention to the present moment even if it's hard) and do it with "vairagya" (release the need for the moment to be different.....the present is perfect because it is the only moment you have and in the long run nothing really matters since we are all part of one creator which we call "parbrahma").
Everything starting from unity and it will come back to unity.....whatever happens...we need to train our mind to live in the present. We need to forcibly do this, since the mind is designed to escape where it feels pleasant rather than do what is good for ourselves.
Thank you for this wonderful reminder. As I wrap up another busy week, I’m reminded to appreciate what’s wonderful about right now. Life still has a lot to handle but there is so much to appreciate about now.
Thank you for your work. You’ve become the email I always open - no matter what the subject line. 🖤
PS- just gave my wife a thank you kiss for many, many memories shared
Anxiety is living in the future and depression is living in the past. I tend to live in the future a bit too much. My escape is simply going to sleep, but what happens is if I don't address my worries from the day, I wake up in the middle of the night and can't fall back asleep. It's hard and happens too often. Hard to fix.
Nice recap Joe - anxiety is living in the future and depression in the past. Love that.
Adored this read. Too much to think through the respond promptly but will keep thinking about and get back. Have a fabulous day. 💌
Thank you, Amanda. I appreciate the time you took to read it. Have a wonderful day.
I tend to escape with fiction audio books or Lord of the Rings mini documentaries on YouTube (I know, super specific).
It's my signal to myself that I need to check in mentally.
That's good that you recognize it, Jennie. Thank you for sharing (and for reading).
My brain often escape to my future possibilities, but most time to comparison. But, they are all a face, nothing real
I feel that. Comparison is something I find myself jumping to, as well. Thanks for sharing, Rachel.
You're welcome 😊 🙏
And thank you for creating LinkedIn OS. Really grateful 🙏
The grass is always greener, isn't it? Great story Justin.
Just upgraded my subscription to full membership. Looking forward to being a part of this community!
Thanks, Justin! See you inside :)
Hey Justin, it's been some time since the last Office Hours :)
This part was my favourite:
"... And when I was done, I felt different. Not because I’d fixed anything or solved my time-traveling problem. But because, for half an hour, I was actually here in the moment. Working to make the present better instead of wishing it were different."
I've not been active on SS this year and have paused my own newsletter, but wanted to leave a comment as I too do something similar...
I honestly don't ever escape in the past, as all I remember is a younger, dumber, less attractive and very broke version of myself. 😂 Do I wish I had certain qualities and was able to do the fun things I do now 10 yrs ago? Sure, but then I remember everyone else feels the same too, so no FOMO there thankfully.
But the future planning thing, I feel that.
I've actually already planned my trips ✈️ (some fixed, many potential) until Sep '26 (!) and I have a gnawing feel this is not just because I'm very organised and love travelling, but that it's a form of escapism from the "not-really-where-I-wanna-be" of the present moment.
Some magical moment not different to yours, where I'm making the money I want and the hard work required to achieve it isn't so hard anymore...
And where I also have extra time to work on side projects #2, 3, 4,...
And the days are sunny (the first chill of winter has reached London this week 🥶), people are out again, and I can join them every other day (while still doing a job, main project, and side projects #2, 3, 4,...)
So yes, I definitely have to work on making the present better instead of wishing it were different.
After all, the sun doesn't shine just because I want it to. 🌞
Best,
Prince
I feel that, Prince. Thanks for sharing. I guess I only travel backward because there was less responsibility, a more functioning physical body, and less anxiety!
Today's email reminded me to start planning meaningful trips with my family for next year. Even it's the murder mystery (such a great idea!) or that beer festival, I don't want to just dredge through life either. I'm protecting my time like crazy over here and saying "no" to anything that doesn't actually make me happy. Work. Speaking gigs. "Potential opportunities". I realize I'm happiest home, with my family and dogs, working in my pilates stretchy outfits, listening to the rain fall. Being present, as you reminded us.
That's a great thing to realize, though. I think you're lucky that you can pinpoint that, as many can't.
One of your best essays - so personal.
The answer is yes, all the time. It helps to make a schedule of stuff that keeps me in the “now” even though it doesnt always happen:
- The quarterly dinner dates with friends
- the monthly exhibition tickets
- the date nights with sitter and tickets and restaurants booked for 6 month in a row
All of this is a pain to book in advance. And a hell of a joy when it actually takes place.
Exactly. I find if I don’t make plans, I end up scrambling. When the calendar is booked, I feel a sense of connection to the present.
Nice insights, time flies, and it is very difficult to control your mind to enjoy the present, the more you run, the faster time flies. Since I slowed down I have a much better life and improved my focus on the present.
That’s awesome, Ilona. I’ve slowed down but time seems to keep racing right along. I guess it’s better than the alternative.
Thanks for sharing this. I relate and do the same. The word I use for my feeling of the trigger is overwhelm. I feel overwhelmed when I have too many possibilities (present feeling heavy) and so I look to release it. Jumping to fantasy is like trying to predict the BEST thing to give time to. It's mostly a waste of time as the best thing is to do something (like your dinner or trip). I'm just repeating what you said it seems, I just relate so closely.
It's a tough place to be and it happens all the time. What's helped me is to write down, hour by hour what I plan to do today, which helps with immediate desire to escape and means I actually do give creative things the time they need. Also, 10 minute meditations. I don't yet have a daily practice yet but every time I do do it, I ask myself why I don't do it more as it's so grunding to the present.
Thanks for sharing again!
You're welcome, and thanks for reading. I often use my calendar to plan my entire day, moment by moment. Sometimes, I find it defeats the purpose. It doesn't let spontaneity creep in, which is how life is meant to be lived!
Yes, I agree it's not always the solution to spontaneity in every colour of spontaneity. My experience is that when I give myself a 3 hour block for writing, I can be more free and spontaneous within that time than if I just told myself that I would write that day. Have you heard of or read the book 'Free Play', by Stephen Nachmanovitch? It's an amazing one for allowing yourself to 'play', to be in the moment, to mess up, to find out new ways of doing things, like kids do. It's helped me a lot to just enter into a moment and be (even if I've planned it, haha)
This is so great, and I particularly appreciate your 30 minutes of productively planning the future. Thanks.
You're welcome. Thank you for giving it a read, Leila. Appreciate your time.
Justin, I have no escape. Maybe reading before the Stan challenge. Now it’s social media guides. Addiction is real. 😅 I wish I could make sense of the world better. I am in awe how they could read my mind with 100% accuracy?
I don’t call it escape I call it dissatisfaction with how our world deteriorated. I worry about the generation where young people can’t find true love or a work place so sick with ambiguity. Or public services with little care and trust.
Have faith. Young people will figure it out. They always do. We did :)
Justin, we live in a world where kindness and good values is valued. Somehow life feels simpler.
Many young people struggled with mental health because communication isn’t clear. And empathy wasn’t given. They are relying on signs, signals and frequencies.
“Whatever floats your boat” is the new catchphrase. Kaylie shared this with me and I was alarmed. Kayden had to tell me:”Mummy, take care of yourself first.”
Loved your piece. Tasting the present moment requires a great deal of effort. We are constantly dragged into worries about the future or beefs about the past. I have written about how the brain gets in the way in my substack. Thanks Justin and welcome home.https://open.substack.com/pub/barrysimonmd/p/the-sunset-isnt-the-sunset?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=jcmyg
Thanks, Barry. I appreciate you reading, and thanks for sharing yours.
Our natural tendency is to escape whenever brain is anxious or depressed. In our ancient shastras(text) like the Katha Upanishad...it says our senses are wired outward and our life is like a chariot...the mind is the reins...hold them and you go where you want to....drop them and the horses(heart) bolt. It also frames each moment as a choice between sreyas (the genuinely good) and preyas (the merely pleasant). When the present is heavy, preyas often looks like nostalgic scrolling or a fantasy future.
In Gita it is written that you can use two ways to really enjoy the present....first is "abhyasa" (keep returning attention to the present moment even if it's hard) and do it with "vairagya" (release the need for the moment to be different.....the present is perfect because it is the only moment you have and in the long run nothing really matters since we are all part of one creator which we call "parbrahma").
Everything starting from unity and it will come back to unity.....whatever happens...we need to train our mind to live in the present. We need to forcibly do this, since the mind is designed to escape where it feels pleasant rather than do what is good for ourselves.
Thank you for this wonderful reminder. As I wrap up another busy week, I’m reminded to appreciate what’s wonderful about right now. Life still has a lot to handle but there is so much to appreciate about now.
Thank you for your work. You’ve become the email I always open - no matter what the subject line. 🖤