This is so true. Too many people are no longer open to other people's opinions and discussing life's gray areas. People need to get back to being able to have a conversation whether they agree or not with the issue without feeling like they could be jeopardizing the relationship. This article needs to be read by everyone.
The farther from the center you get, the more full of sh*t you become. It's a fact of history and a law of nature.
I'm in NC and a good friend of mine is a great example of this. He is a muscular white guy and an avid hunter originally from rural PA. He puts on his camo and hunts before going to work in the on season. He likes switching between bow and arrows and rifles. He does all the processing and freezes the meat.
Many people already have a concrete idea of who this guy is and what he's about politically. But they're wrong. His wife is black. Seeing him hang out with his in-laws would make anyone do a double take. Not because the black family is rural and into hunting. But because the black family is what the stereotype would suggest. And yet they are all very close.
I came to NC from NYC and find it to be a refreshing part of the country. Deeply purple and at the front line of merging cultures, and hopefully the future direction of the country.
My native NYC wife had never been to a state fair, so we went to the NC state fair and it was a lot of what you'd expect: the deep fried oreos, dill pickle pizzas, rattlesnake sausages, rural families, farm equipment and livestock on display, and carnival equipment that seemed a bit sketchy.
While standing in line to buy beer, I was behind a muscular bearded guy with a backwards camo hat on with the AR-15 silhouette. Nothing out of the ordinary for this environment. But then I looked closer and saw it had a gay pride flag as the background of the AR-15. It said "Defend Freedom".
This blew me away. It contradicts both tribes. But also made me realize that deep down most people are decent and Centrist. They just want to be left alone to earn a living and take care of their families. They may differ on one issue or another the same way people prefer one sports team or another and get heated during playoff season. But at the end the day, they realize we are all playing the same game together, reminding me of the MLK quote:
"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
hi justin, there are plenty of stories like this if you know where to look. one challenge may be that the people sharing nuanced perspectives and stories of people coming together aren't pushed by algos so you have to seek it out.
hi J, i'm a born and raised new yorker who spent most of my life in NYC, but also lived for years in montana and oregon. i've protested and advocated for plenty of "far left" issues, but i've also hunted. i'm progressive, but speak to and am friends with people who voted for trump.
Everything you wrote resonates with me except for "The farther from the center you get, the more full of sh*t you become. It's a fact of history and a law of nature." This is not fact nor a law of nature. And the assumption that being close to the center is the way to not be full of shit is deeply flawed.
Your statement is the antithesis of learning "to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
Our beliefs and "politics" don't determine our ability to accept each other and engage respectfully and broad statements like your opening one sound quite judgmental and prescriptive.
Hi Pam, I appreciate your feedback and agree there is a discordance in the message, where I open with a self righteous bumper sticker line then provide nuanced examples of why we should tolerate each other.
My push back is that the far right has spent decades with the explicit strategy of bashing moderation and centrism as weak and indecisive and thus irrelevant. Extremists don't respect moderation and will just steamroll over it (e.g. "If you're so tolerant you should tolerate me and allow me to just push you out of the way and take what I want." Far left wouldn't be so different (though they are much less prevalent than the media would suggest)
So we are pushed into a paradoxical situation where we have to be intolerant tolerants.
You can say the US in WWII was imposing a militant form of Centrism on Nazi Germany. To be more tolerant would be appeasement.
I am open and tolerant towards anyone who is open and tolerant, regardless of their background or affiliation. I genuinely believe most people are much closer to each other than they realize and are getting distracted by the media and internet over nonsense.
While the second half of the line is hyperbolic, I still stand by saying the farther from the Center you get the more full of sh*t you become with the understanding that the "Center" means the open and pragmatic common ground where people can work together and get things done regardless of minor differences.
I don't see a case where someone far from this Center is NOT full of sh*t. That is the realm of deluded ideologies in either direction.
I'm really enjoying these philosophical takes on our current human condition. I'm glad someone is noticing the brokenness of how we exist in this world, but always with a positive bent. Keep up with this content- it speaks to my soul!
Yeah, we've lost the ability to show grace and be OK with the fact that people have different opinions and perspectives. If someone holds a perspective, and it isn't directly hurtful to me or others, I generally try to just say, "That's their thing and it's OK. I don't need to react or argue. Get curious and understand them without judging. Maybe you can learn something even if you still disagree." Easier said than done, but I really try.
I had a neighbor whose car was considerably expensive, but she kinda spoiled it with patchy paint, weird stickers, and accessories on the dashboard, steering wheel, and seats. It looked horrendous... from my perspective. She probably loved it. And although I hated what she did with the car, I loved the fact that she did it.
I love that things I hate exist in the world. That’s what makes it incredibly special.
This all day. No one's going to tell me (or you) that you're not a philosopher. You don't need a degree or wasted years trying to play the academy game. Think deeply, not simplistically, with nuance; prioritize character over cash grabs, and learn in dialogue and community. Loving the Unsubscribe philosophy.
This is definitely my favorite article here so far! The truth is that most Americans are in the middle. Need to get back to that. Thanks for the food for thought- 💌
I thought I was the werido for being in the middle. Everyone online seem to pick it side, maybe I should too. It's only until the true understanding of everything has two sides to it, I start to open up to perspective that's different than mind. I become curious why and how they think, and I learn some interesting things. A great conversation happen when two person have two opinions who listen, digest and share their own perspective.
I relate to this so much. People are so easily shocked these days - society has become more judgemental than the Victorians! The moral code has changed a bit - it's no longer about which fork to use at dinner or what class of person to associate with, but it's the same type of rigid, closed-minded thinking.
Too many of us don’t realize that we have latched onto others beliefs and views and don’t see for ourselves. Besides that, learning, growth and better relationships have come from when I share my current view on something and allow others to do the same, realizing that I’m not my view and that those views have changed over time. Thanks for the share Justin.
This is so true. Too many people are no longer open to other people's opinions and discussing life's gray areas. People need to get back to being able to have a conversation whether they agree or not with the issue without feeling like they could be jeopardizing the relationship. This article needs to be read by everyone.
Thanks, Robert. That's what I was hoping people would read and respond with!
Even the “non PC” subjects!
Exactly - its like an instant disqualifier. Absolutely needs to be read by everyone!
Hey Justin,
without ever having met you—I’ve experienced exactly the same.
At a conference—small talk, sensitive topic—and suddenly, people stopped asking.
Instead: judging, dismissing, labeling.
What struck me:
The more we celebrate individuality, the less we seem to tolerate it—especially when it doesn’t fit the mold.
Thanks for your essay. It really resonated.
Thanks for reading it, Dr. Bormeister. I appreciate it!
You nailed this, Justin.
The pressure to pick sides kills good thinking. Most real decisions live in the gray area between extremes.
Nuance doesn't get clicks, but it builds better lives.
Yep. The moment you go extreme in nearly anything, you've lost sight...
Restacking…probably your best article yet!
Thank you, Michael!
Agreed
The farther from the center you get, the more full of sh*t you become. It's a fact of history and a law of nature.
I'm in NC and a good friend of mine is a great example of this. He is a muscular white guy and an avid hunter originally from rural PA. He puts on his camo and hunts before going to work in the on season. He likes switching between bow and arrows and rifles. He does all the processing and freezes the meat.
Many people already have a concrete idea of who this guy is and what he's about politically. But they're wrong. His wife is black. Seeing him hang out with his in-laws would make anyone do a double take. Not because the black family is rural and into hunting. But because the black family is what the stereotype would suggest. And yet they are all very close.
I came to NC from NYC and find it to be a refreshing part of the country. Deeply purple and at the front line of merging cultures, and hopefully the future direction of the country.
My native NYC wife had never been to a state fair, so we went to the NC state fair and it was a lot of what you'd expect: the deep fried oreos, dill pickle pizzas, rattlesnake sausages, rural families, farm equipment and livestock on display, and carnival equipment that seemed a bit sketchy.
While standing in line to buy beer, I was behind a muscular bearded guy with a backwards camo hat on with the AR-15 silhouette. Nothing out of the ordinary for this environment. But then I looked closer and saw it had a gay pride flag as the background of the AR-15. It said "Defend Freedom".
This blew me away. It contradicts both tribes. But also made me realize that deep down most people are decent and Centrist. They just want to be left alone to earn a living and take care of their families. They may differ on one issue or another the same way people prefer one sports team or another and get heated during playoff season. But at the end the day, they realize we are all playing the same game together, reminding me of the MLK quote:
"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
Damn. This is incredible, and I wish I heard more stories like this one. Thanks for sharing, J!
hi justin, there are plenty of stories like this if you know where to look. one challenge may be that the people sharing nuanced perspectives and stories of people coming together aren't pushed by algos so you have to seek it out.
hi J, i'm a born and raised new yorker who spent most of my life in NYC, but also lived for years in montana and oregon. i've protested and advocated for plenty of "far left" issues, but i've also hunted. i'm progressive, but speak to and am friends with people who voted for trump.
Everything you wrote resonates with me except for "The farther from the center you get, the more full of sh*t you become. It's a fact of history and a law of nature." This is not fact nor a law of nature. And the assumption that being close to the center is the way to not be full of shit is deeply flawed.
Your statement is the antithesis of learning "to live together as brothers or perish together as fools."
Our beliefs and "politics" don't determine our ability to accept each other and engage respectfully and broad statements like your opening one sound quite judgmental and prescriptive.
Hi Pam, I appreciate your feedback and agree there is a discordance in the message, where I open with a self righteous bumper sticker line then provide nuanced examples of why we should tolerate each other.
My push back is that the far right has spent decades with the explicit strategy of bashing moderation and centrism as weak and indecisive and thus irrelevant. Extremists don't respect moderation and will just steamroll over it (e.g. "If you're so tolerant you should tolerate me and allow me to just push you out of the way and take what I want." Far left wouldn't be so different (though they are much less prevalent than the media would suggest)
So we are pushed into a paradoxical situation where we have to be intolerant tolerants.
You can say the US in WWII was imposing a militant form of Centrism on Nazi Germany. To be more tolerant would be appeasement.
I am open and tolerant towards anyone who is open and tolerant, regardless of their background or affiliation. I genuinely believe most people are much closer to each other than they realize and are getting distracted by the media and internet over nonsense.
While the second half of the line is hyperbolic, I still stand by saying the farther from the Center you get the more full of sh*t you become with the understanding that the "Center" means the open and pragmatic common ground where people can work together and get things done regardless of minor differences.
I don't see a case where someone far from this Center is NOT full of sh*t. That is the realm of deluded ideologies in either direction.
I'm really enjoying these philosophical takes on our current human condition. I'm glad someone is noticing the brokenness of how we exist in this world, but always with a positive bent. Keep up with this content- it speaks to my soul!
Thank you, Mitzi!
This is one of my favorite things you’ve ever written.
Nuance is what makes conversations come alive. It’s what makes people fascinating. It’s what makes writing good.
A world without nuance is flat and uninteresting.
The most uninteresting. We're getting there quickly, unfortunately.
Yeah, we've lost the ability to show grace and be OK with the fact that people have different opinions and perspectives. If someone holds a perspective, and it isn't directly hurtful to me or others, I generally try to just say, "That's their thing and it's OK. I don't need to react or argue. Get curious and understand them without judging. Maybe you can learn something even if you still disagree." Easier said than done, but I really try.
Same. Again, not easy. But often worth it.
I had a neighbor whose car was considerably expensive, but she kinda spoiled it with patchy paint, weird stickers, and accessories on the dashboard, steering wheel, and seats. It looked horrendous... from my perspective. She probably loved it. And although I hated what she did with the car, I loved the fact that she did it.
I love that things I hate exist in the world. That’s what makes it incredibly special.
That last line. Yes.
This all day. No one's going to tell me (or you) that you're not a philosopher. You don't need a degree or wasted years trying to play the academy game. Think deeply, not simplistically, with nuance; prioritize character over cash grabs, and learn in dialogue and community. Loving the Unsubscribe philosophy.
- Jared
I appreciate you, Jared :)
This is definitely my favorite article here so far! The truth is that most Americans are in the middle. Need to get back to that. Thanks for the food for thought- 💌
Thank you, Amanda!
I thought I was the werido for being in the middle. Everyone online seem to pick it side, maybe I should too. It's only until the true understanding of everything has two sides to it, I start to open up to perspective that's different than mind. I become curious why and how they think, and I learn some interesting things. A great conversation happen when two person have two opinions who listen, digest and share their own perspective.
That's right. Conversations start when we actually hear each other.
So you mean you can't neatly fit everybody in the USA into 'Nazi' or 'Communist'? Hmph. This complicates things...
Weird huh? It's almost like we're being intentionally divided! 😉
I relate to this so much. People are so easily shocked these days - society has become more judgemental than the Victorians! The moral code has changed a bit - it's no longer about which fork to use at dinner or what class of person to associate with, but it's the same type of rigid, closed-minded thinking.
Close-minded is the worst. Just start listening to each other.
Too many of us don’t realize that we have latched onto others beliefs and views and don’t see for ourselves. Besides that, learning, growth and better relationships have come from when I share my current view on something and allow others to do the same, realizing that I’m not my view and that those views have changed over time. Thanks for the share Justin.
Thanks for giving it a read, Bryce.
There are always more than two sides to a story. The complexity simply doesn't serve those trying to sell you (or sell to you).
Agreed, Kevin. I think you've got a good point here, man.