Welcome to issue #034 of Unsubscribe. Each week, I send two essays that help you step off the default path to build a life you love, supported by work you enjoy. If you need support on your entrepreneurial journey, join our network of over 1,000 entrepreneurs. You’ll instantly join our group chat, weekly live Q&As, monthly workshops, and private in-person events.
I used to think that being constantly reachable meant I was being the responsible version of myself.
I would literally walk around with my phone in my hand, and look at it every 2-3 minutes to see if I had any new notifications. This addictive routine made working on the most important parts of my business nearly impossible.
The problem was, I wore my availability like a badge of honor. Look how responsive I am. Look at how dedicated I am. Look how present!
But I wasn't actually present at all.
My brain was scattered across half a dozen conversations, and none of them ever got my full attention. My mind was constantly split between what I was trying to work on and what I thought needed my immediate response.
The worst part is that by being "always available," I trained everyone that I worked with to treat me that way.
If you reply within minutes, you'll teach people that you're always there. If you answer texts at 10 PM, then 10 PM will become an acceptable time to text you. If you check your email on weekends, then don't be surprised when weekends turn into workdays.
I created this very problem for myself, one little notification at a time.
In 2022, I finally decided that I'd had enough because it started impacting my family life. It felt like every single time I was having dinner with my wife, I was only 50% there. Or maybe not even 50%. My phone was always face-up on the table, just waiting to be picked up and checked, and my wife knew it. When the screen lit up, I'd stop being present in our conversation and start to wonder who the heck needed my attention.
She'd be telling me about her day, and all of the stuff she handled while I was working upstairs in my office. I could feel myself nodding along and muttering things like, "yeah, yeah," and "cool, cool," but I was not present at all.
Being constantly available to others is the least generous thing you can do for the people that matter most in your life. It literally robs the most important people in your life of your presence.
So I decided that it was time for me to finally set some boundaries. I started by putting my phone in ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode 24 hours a day. The only people who can get through are my wife and my parents. And while that instantly cut down on distractions, I wanted to do more. So, I decided that my email would only get checked once per day (or sometimes once per week if I'm on vacation). Next up, I deleted my social media apps entirely. No more LinkedIn, X, Instagram, or anything else that could be distracting.
Obviously, this was a drastic change in how I interacted with a lot of people, but they adjusted much faster than I expected. All of the urgent requests suddenly became a lot less urgent, the "quick questions" could wait, and the world didn't fall apart because I took six hours to respond to a message. Believe it or not, but when you don't respond to people, they often figure it out on their own. That's just one benefit of being harder to reach.
What I got back was worth infinitely more than what I gave up. I started having real conversations with my wife over dinner, focused work sessions, evenings that actually felt like evenings, and sleep without the anxiety of unread messages.
Being constantly available doesn't make you valuable. It makes you exhausted and distracted.
Real living comes from being fully present when it matters and from giving your complete attention to one thing at a time.
So, I urge you...turn off the notifications.
The important stuff will still be there when you're ready for it.
What’s your take on today’s topic? Do you agree, disagree, or is there something I missed?
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Ha, so been there too! These days, my phone is always on Do not disturb and I don't reply to emails on weekends, big chunks of time blocked off my calendar so my day can't be booked to the brim. As you say, interesting how quickly people adjust 😛
That used to be 100% me pre-covid. When the world stopped and the phone notifications disappeared, so did my sense of self-worth. If no one was emailing or calling me, was I still bringing value to the world?? Of course, that was my ego talking. But I’m grateful for it, because now I’m savage with my phone, who gets access, how they get access, and I’m so much happier for it!! Great piece Justin!